Odd Situations Caused By the Cullens
by lostsupernaturalheroes
Summary: Thanks to Bella, Alice is trying to remember all of the funny things that have happened at school because of her and her family. Alice also signs the Cullens and Bella up for something they are dreading even more than her shopping trips! Alice's POV,
1. Chapter 1

A/N- Hi everyone, this is my first published story so I hope you enjoy it! Also, I don't own Twilight, wish I did but I don't. All normal pairings. Set during the summer after the first book. One more thing, if you've already read all of the books and have a good understanding of them just skim over the first three paragraphs, thy just go into a basic description of the Cullens.

Chapter 1

A Beginning to the Story

Alice and Jasper's bedroom, The Cullen House

Hi, I'm Alice. As all of you probably already know I'm a vampire. I live with five other vampires one of whom is my husband Jasper. Our whole family could be considered vegetarians because we refrain from drinking human blood and resort to animal blood, it's not great but we're able to live with it fine. For those of you who don't know me I'm a petite (not short!!!) brunette who is stuck around the age of seventeen. I have short spiky hair and usually golden eyes unless I'm thirsty for blood.

My husband Jasper is tall with blonde hair and an amazing Southern accent. He doesn't talk very much whereas I can talk for hours until somebody (usually Emmett) tells me to shut up. Since Jasper and I joined the Cullen's he's had the hardest time out of everyone adjusting to the vegetarian lifestyle. He's getting better but its going to take time.

The rest of our family includes Carlisle and Esme who act as parent figures, Emmett and Rosalie, and Edward. Carlisle is a doctor and is married to Esme. Emmett and Rosalie are married and go to school with Jasper and me. Edward was the loner of our group for a long time until my new best (girl) friend came along. Edward was the only vampire who hadn't fallen in love throughout his whole life until he met Bella a few months ago. We just went to our prom a couple of days ago. Bella went against her will which was good for me because it meant I got to choose her clothes, do her makeup and do her hair. She acted like she hated it but I had a feeling she appreciated everything I had done for her.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is the other day Bella asked me if there were any funny things that happened when we started a new school. She claimed people must think it was weird that we were so perfect and beautiful which probably led to funny situations. I told her I'd think about it and get back to her so here I am sitting here, thinking about it. There are a lot of funny stories to tell but I'm not sure if she could handle some of them. There are already a huge handful of stories from Forks High School that would have her on her back laughing so hard but there's still the problem of which ones. Some stories I'll probably refrain from telling Bella to save Jasper some humiliation (but of course ill tell you guys). These stories do include sex but keep in mind that Jasper and I are adults and married to each other so it's ok. Other stories center around Emmett, well, just being Emmett who is always funny and finally there are stories that have all of us as a family, which are probably the funniest. One story even has a secret letter from Johnny Depp in it (see, now you're hooked). If all of this isn't enough to get you hooked we also have Edward, Jasper, and Emmett at a co-ed swimming pool in Speedo's, Rosalie walking around school in her underwear, and even fake rumors about me being pregnant (funny huh). If you'd rather have stories about Esme and Carlisle then don't worry, there's a pretty juicy one with them on parents night.

I'd also like to say that under no circumstances is anyone ever allowed to tell Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Bella, Charlie, Mike, Jessica, Tyler, or anyone else from this town or the reservation about this story. If you do then believe me I will hunt you down. I could get into big trouble for telling you these stories but they have to be told, they are just too funny. Don't think that because I'm less than five feet tall I can't catch you so beware, as long as you don't tell I will tell you hilarious stories about my family and ……

"Alice, are you up there? It's Bella", called Bella from downstairs. How did I not hear her coming? I guess I was too busy being secretive. Uh-oh I hear Edward and Jasper coming to get me. I've got to get this laptop away fast……

5 hours later

I walked into my room and collapsed onto mine and Jaspers unnecessary bed with him coming in behind me, arms full of shopping bags. I had convinced Bella to come with me shopping (or I had convinced Edward to trick Bella into coming with me) and I had bought bags and bags full of clothes for the whole family. Jasper had just dropped them off for me in everyone else's rooms (what else are husbands for, really???) By this time I couldn't even remember what I had bought. Jasper walked over to our bed and sat down next to me with a sigh before asking what he should have asked ages ago.

"What are you writing?" he said with that southern drawl.

"Nothing" I answered him cautiously.

We had a staring match for about 7 minutes before his funny faces got the better of me and I gave in.

"Well, the other day Bella asked me about any unusual situations we've encountered at any of the many schools we've been to. That got me thinking about al of the funny things that have happened to us over the years so I decided to write a fan fiction about them so the whole world can read about them."

"Huh?" he said with an extremely confused expression on his face. Men.

"I'm writing about all of the funny things that have happened to us over the years, you know like that time you and I were in that closet at school and the janitor sorta walked in on us having…"

"Yeah, I remember, but you can't write that, it's private.

"Don't you want me to be happy?" I answered setting up my trap.

"Well of course I do but it's private." He answered knowing full well I'd get my way in the end.

"Well writing about our memories makes me happy so it should make other people happy too, right?" I said with a sweet tone.

"I guess, just no details please?" he said with a sigh.

"Of course not, that would be weird."(Don't worry I'll sneak a few details in there for you guys).

"If you need any help let me know, I'm sure we could even recreate a couple of those memories if you wanted" he said kissing her.

"Maybe some other time, right now I need to sort through these clothes, you want to help?" I asked him even though we both knew he had no choice in the matter.

"I'd love to" he answered without hesitance.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" I squealed happily.

"Do you have to do that?" he asked me.

"You know you love it." I told him.

"Yeah I guess I do." I knew he did.

For the rest of the night I modeled the new clothes I had bought. He loved every second of it. He especially enjoyed it when I brought out the Victoria's Secret bag. No man can resist a bag with that logo on it. Let's just say Edward had a really big headache and an unforgiving scowl on his face the next day.

A note from Alice: The way I am writing this fanfiction is I write the whole thing in my head with my perfect memory and then transfer every word onto paper later on so I don't have to carry a laptop around everywhere with me. This gives you the ultimate viewing experience but saves me time and effort.

Next time: I will discover the joys of acting and we will also get a look into the guys first gym class at Fork's!!!

A/N 2: I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter of the story. I thought I'd add a little description of all of the characters for reference. I hope it didn't take up too much of the story. All reviews are greatly appreciated even if it's just a word or two. If there's anything I should change please let me know.


	2. The Speedo's

A/N- Hey everyone. I just want to say that from here on in if you don't want to hear about three hot vampires in Speedo's then get out now. If you do then please keep reading, I promise you will enjoy it.

Chapter 2

Did Somebody Say Acting?

The Cullen House- 3 am

"Jasper, let's go to the mall" I whined at my husband while we sat in the living room watching some weird show about people on an island with black smoke and polar bears (and people think vampires are weird!). Edward, who actually seemed into the weird show, sat across from us. When he heard the word mall he ran out of the room practically screaming.

"Alice sweetheart, we were just at the mall 10 hours ago. It's probably closed right now." He groaned because we all knew it wasn't closed.

"Silly Jasper, the mall never closes, it's open every second of every day, even Christmas. It's really an amazing creation," I reminded him, watching his face turn to a scowl.

"What's your excuse for going back this time?" he asked.

"Ummmmm, I forgot to get ice-cream!" I answered without thinking. (What? It was the first thing that popped into my head).

"You're going to eat ice-cream?" he said with an unbelieving look on his face.

"Of course not silly, it's for Bella," I improvised.

"You realize that Bella is at home asleep right now, right? The ice-ream would melt before you got it to her." Dang, he's too smart.

"Yeah, but I still want to go" Let the puppy-dog pout work its magic…

"Not the puppy-dog pout, fine let's go." I knew he would give in eventually.

"YAAAAAAAAAAY." I was out to the car before he knew I had gone.

As we drove through town I noticed a flyer on the library door. It said the town was putting on a production of Grease. Of course, I asked Jasper to stop so that I could put our names on the sign-up sheet. I wrote down our whole family, Bella, and Charlie. I'm sure everyone will be ecstatic when I tell them the news, unlike Jasper who moaned and groaned the whole time. I don't understand why he doesn't want to do it, I'm sure acting is fun…right?

We arrived at the closest mall about twenty minutes later. Jasper was still glowering at me for signing him up to be in the play. I on the other hand am ecstatic. I've always wanted to be an actress.

I think Jasper finally forgave me when I reminded him on the way into the mall that I signed Edward and Bella up for the leads. He seemed to think that was funny for some reason. I don't understand that man.

We walked hand in hand down the mall until we got to a bathing suit store. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw it. It was…….

"THE SPEEDO" I practically screamed as I ran to the shops window and pressed my nose to the glass. I couldn't believe it was the same Speedo…

_Flashback_

_It was the end of the Cullen's second day at Forks High School. When they reached the car they got in and began to drive home when Edward realized they needed swimsuits for their next gym class. He had forgotten to tell Alice at lunch, probably because he and the other two guys were dreading it so much, but there was no choice._

_"Alice?" he asked even though she already knew what he was about to ask her._

_"Yes Edward" she answered with a sweet smile on her face._

_"Emmett, Jasper, and I need swimsuits for gym tomorrow, is there any way you can get them for us in time?" he asked._

_"Already done, you guys are gonna love them, but you can't peek until you get into gym class tomorrow, they're already in your lockers." She said happily. Maybe a little too happily._

_"This can't be good" Jasper muttered to Emmett under his breath._

_"I heard that" Alice chirped from the front seat._

_"I'm sure we'll love them but they aren't too, um, flashy for school, are they?"_

_"What makes you think they would be?" She asked with a menacing tone._

_"Well remember how at the last school we were at the teacher had us get our own lab coats?" he asked her as if trying to suggest something, but Alice was oblivious._

_"Yeah, wasn't that great" she answered either oblivious to the point or just trying to get on Jasper's nerves._

_"Well, not so much great as a little strange seeing as how you bought us neon, sequined lab coats instead of plain white as the teacher suggested._

_"You guys said you loved those lab coats" she said putting on a pouty face._

_"I'm not saying we didn't, we did of course, but I think other people found it strange, even scary at times" Jasper said in a comforting tone._

_"Oh, well I'm sure nobody will think you're strange when they see what I got you, at least not stranger than we already are of course._

"_Of course" he said with a nervous laugh._

_For the rest of the day and night Edward tried to read her mind to figure out what the bathing suits looked like. Instead, she thought about everything but the swimsuits. By the next day all three guys were going mad with curiosity. They had no idea what kind of bathing suit would make Alice so giddy with excitement._

_When they opened their gym lockers all three men realized the cause of Alice's happiness at once._

_"How could she" Emmett said._

_"They're terrible. Jasper, you've got to handle this, she's your wife." Edward told Jasper with a smile on his face that basically sad 'I am soooo happy I'm not you right now' without actually saying it._

_"Wife?" said an interested looking gleam in his eye._

_"Ummmm….." Jasper started but was interrupted by the gym teacher telling them they had three minutes to change. "I'll get back to you on that Mike"._

_"Whatever" said Mike before pulling up his swimming trunks._

_Emmett, Jasper, and Edward undressed before pulling on their matching Speedo's. (I know, so funny right!). The Speedo's were nothing more than two pieces of small fabric sewn together and marked with the Speedo symbol but when the guys put them on they became almost magical. The amount of skin showing left little to the imagination. They all had different colors though. Edward had blue (Alice owed him a favor), Emmett had orange (Alice chose it because it went really well with his nicely toned muscle), and Jasper had a bright purple ( Alice wanted revenge for him refusing to go to the mall with her the da she bought them, his loss, everyone else's gain, plus purple goes well with his hair). As the three men walked into the pool/gymnasium the room which was previously buzzing went completely silent. It was a coed gym class but the guys didn't know which girls were in their class. They stopped dead in their tracks when their eyes fell upon a petite, spiky haired brunette and a beautiful blonde girl who were falling over laughing at the men. _

"_What are they doing here, I thought they had gym A period" Emmett muttered quietly to Edward and Jasper._

"_We got switched in here to be closer to you guys" called Alice from the bleachers. All of the girls had to wear one-piece bathing suits but Alice and Rosalie's probably somehow showed more skin than a string bikini. They definitely had every boy's undivided attention, even Jasper and Emmett's, who headed over leaving Edward behind._

_As Edward finally joined the rest of his family before class started he heard the tail-end of their conversation._

"_Where did you buy these, Victoria's Secret, they're thinner than lingerie and show more skin" Jasper told Alice looking really embarrassed that his wife was so exposed._

"_You know you can't take your eyes off of me" she said with a smile._

"_And neither can any of the other guys, look around they're drooling. I don't want them looking at my wife." He told her before looking around and growling at all of the boys staring at Alice._

"_I don't see why you care Jasper, I think it's funny, they actually think they have a chance, when we all know they don't" Emmett said following with a booming laugh._

"_It's still weird." Muttered Jasper._

"_I know honey, its ok, believe me none of them have a chance against you" Alice said in a soothing voice._

"_So why is nobody mad about Alice making us wear these suits?" Edward asked puzzled and a little mad._

"_We decided that if we get to look at this" said Emmett gesturing to his wife "all class then it s totally worth the embarrassment. Jasper was a little hesitant but he really can't resist a bathing sut like these which means you get to wear them too."_

"_Too?" asked Edward cautiously._

"_Yeah, we have five different ones. One for each day of the week. Apparently these are the normal ones." Jasper told Edward who was now glaring at him._

"_What these bathing suits are awesome" Jasper said replying to the glare._

"_We'll see about that" Edward replied menacingly._

_Just then the teacher started class._

_The gym teacher, Ms. Harris was the youngest teacher at the school. She seemed more like a model because of her looks and the way she walked. Every man at the school drooled over her but she never gave one of them a second look until that gym class. She stopped quickly in her tracks as she finally took in the scene that was her gym class. When she finally was able to peel her eyes away from the three guys she realized her whole class was watching them also._

"_Alice, this is getting really uncomfortable" muttered Jasper to Alice quietly._

"_Why, everyone's admiring us, it's a compliment" she answered him._

"_I'm fine with our classmates but Ms. Harris is staring at Edward, Emmett, and I like we're slabs of meat."_

"_No she's not" answered Alice._

"_Fine, whatever. But tomorrows better not draw more attention" said Jasper knowing that he would never win._

_The next day in school none of the Cullen's could walk down a hallway without getting catcalls. Somebody was even daring enough to squeeze Alice's butt. She decided to let Jasper take care of him. When she told him this he got very scared. Of course she didn't tell Jasper until they were home and he could be restrained. Otherwise he would have ripped the guy to shreds._

_The bathing suits were causing way more trouble than Alice had intended. Their next gym class was even more eventful than the first. Their second bathing suits sparkled. As the men walked into the pool room and sat down the two other vampires whistled and laughed at them. The five of them sat together until other students started to walk out. There was something different though. A few girls had bought similar bathing suits as Alice and Rosalie had on and some of the guys had bought Speedo's._

_They had started a trend._

_For the first time they got to go swimming. Ms. Harris called up Jasper to demonstrate for them. Later Alice declared that she was sure Ms. Harris just wanted to feel his muscles to make sure they were real. When she had him do a lap around the pool he forgot to breathe every couple of seconds. When he got out everyone had amazed faces on. Jasper looked confused as to why everyone was stunned until he glanced at Alice who was breathing in and out to signal that he had forgotten. The teacher was stunned._

"_Umm, Jasper, how did you hold your breath that long? It was over five minutes?" the teacher choked out._

"_Oh, well, Carlisle was actually researching lung capacity a while back and he found a way to hold your breath for long periods of time, over ten minutes. The only problem is you have to have this rare thing in your nose which my family and I all seem to have which means we don't have to breathe underwater. It's really amazing." Jasper made up, relieved that they wouldn't have to breathe while underwater, it was such a hassle._

"_Oh…Ok" Ms. Harris stuttered. "Would you like to demonstrate this ability again, maybe you and your brothers could race" she suggested with an ulterior motive. She jst wanted to see their great bodies glistening with water._

"_Whatever you say" he smiled at her and motioned the others towards him._

"_Can we race too" asked Alice._

"_I don't want you guys to feel bad but if you do theirs a very small chance that you would win, women just aren't as strong as men._

"_That's ok, we'd still like to" said Alice sweetly._

"_Then by all means go right ahead" replied the teacher astonished_

"_I wouldn't be surprised if they beat all of us, she's a strong little thing" boomed Emmett who was already in the water._

"_I'M NOT SMALL" yelled Alice jumping into the pool onto him._

"_Whoa" called the teacher._

"_Don't worry we're just having fun" said Emmett as he broke the surface again._

"_Ok, is everyone ready? Do three laps back and forth then get out and high five me to win." said the teacher. Alice stuck her tongue out at Jasper knowing that the race was really between them. The others were fast but they didn't have a chance. He stuck his tongue back at her._

"_Ok, ready, set, GO" they were swimming before the whistle dropped from her mouth. Jasper was in the lead as they sped down the pool faster than any normal human could go. Before anyone could finish a thought they were on their second lap with Alice now in the lead. The whole class had their mouths hanging open at this point. You could barely even see the vampires moving up the pool because they were going so fast. Alice and Jasper were on their third lap feet from the end of the pool. They were out of the pool within a second and racing to get to Ms. Harris. Alice pulled ahead a little but Jasper made a split decision and leaped into the air hitting Ms. Harris's hand moments before Alice. She glared at him and stepped aside so that Edward, Rosalie and Emmett could high five Ms. Harris also who stood there with a shocked expression on her face._

"_Umm the winner is Jasper followed by Alice then Edward Rosalie and Emmett. The whole scene had taken place in under a minute._

"_Ok everyone, tomorrow we'll learn how to do the back float, you can go get changed now" said the teacher in a weak voice. The whole class was speechless as they watched the glistening vampires walk from the room. When they couldn't be seen anymore everyone broke out in whispers before heading to the locker rooms themselves._

_This continued for another week until something else happened. It was nearing the end of class when Alice and Jasper decided to race again and this time they wouldn't go easy on each other, husband and wife or not. After Ms. Harris said it was ok everyone cleared out of the pool for the couple. _

"_Three laps, on your mark, get set, GO!" yelled the teacher enthusiastically,. They shot through the water. This time though they played rough. Alice grabbed Jasper's butt to make him slow down. Instead he shot forward a little more. In return he unhooked the back of her bathing suit. She didn't even notice because she was gaining on him. What he didn't know was that when she grabbed his butt his Speedos fell to his ankles. They were so intent on winning that neither one noticed their 'wardrobe malfunction'. They practically jumped out of the pool at the same time. The whole room gasped but neither one noticed until they had high-fived Ms. Harris who was standing there shocked._

_They stood there for a second before realizing that they were exposed. The only thing that caused them to notice was Emmett giving them a whistle and shouting…_

"_Looking good Jasper!" with a laugh. Jasper pulled up his Speedos quickly and then put his arm around Alice to cover her up so that she could re-tie her bathing suit._

"_Sorry Jasper I didn't mean for that to happen" Alice whispered apologetically._

"_Me neither, we have to think up a story quick she's coming over" said Jasper back._

"_What just happened" demanded Ms. Harris._

"_Well I don't know about Jasper but I felt something hook onto my swimsuit when I turned around on the second lap on the opposite side of the pool" said Alice sweetly._

"_That's exactly what happened to me, it was as if the pool were rough and caught the material" Said Jasper while Alice nodded._

"_Ok" said the teacher "just don't let it happen again, I'm going to send you down to the main office to tell them exactly what happened."_

"_Sounds good, I wouldn't want this happening to anyone else" said Jasper in a caring voice._

_A few minutes later they were on their way to the office. _

"_The bathing suits have to go" said Alice with an embarrassed look on her face._

"_I totally agree, but did you see Mike's face, it was priceless" he said with a smile._

"_You're right it was really funny, I'm sure Emmett is laughing his head off right now" said Alice finally lightening up about the situation._

"_It could have been worse for you Alice, you're suit was only revealing a little bit, mine gave everyone a full view."_

"_You're right, I feel worse for you now" she said with a huge smile on her face. "I'm surprised none of those guys had a heart attack, I'm sure they're really jealous of you now though." She said her smile getting wider._

"_Stop it, they were all staring at you" he replied._

"_Yeah I know I just wanted to see you look embarrassed."_

_By this time they were standing outside of the office. When they got inside they told their story to the principle, who, after laughing his head off, told us to take a letter home to Carlisle and Esme telling them what happened. We weren't in trouble so we left. When we met up with the others later they were laughing their heads off at us. _

_Later when we showed Carlisle the letter he didn't get mad he just told us too be more careful. When he left the room, his eyes were watering because he was holding back his laughter. We were mocked for months following the incident by our whole family. Rumors spread like wildfire through school about the situation but those are another story altogether. Since Alice refused to let any of us wear those swimsuits again she dragged Jasper to the mall where they bought full body swimsuits for everyone which they wore for the last two days f swimming. When it was all over the Cullen's were relieved everyone else however was disappointed at not seeing the Cullen's half naked anymore._

End of Flashback

"Jasper I can't believe it's the same Speedo" I with a smile.

"No, get it away, I never want to see another Speedo again those things were torture."

"Don't worry, I'm never buying one ever again, but I will buy that dress over there, and those jeans and a few of those shirts." I said dragging Jasper towards another store.

2 hours later

"Come on Alice, time to leave, we're going to be late to school" called Jasper from one end of a store.

"Fine" I called back.

We walked out of the store; I carried my purse while Jasper juggled ten or more bags of stuff. He tossed the bags into the back seat of my red convertible. I drove us both straight to the park where we had all decided to meet this morning, only stopping to change our clothes at a gas station. When we arrived at the park I took one of the only open spaces. Jasper and I had everyone's attention at this point, though neither was sure whether it was because of the car itself or because of the bags piled in the back seat. Jasper and I met the rest of our family and Bella at one of the benches.

"Guess what you guys" I said.

"You finally bought out the mall?" guessed Emmett.

"I wish, but no, I signed us all up o be in the Forks First Annual play! Isn't that great?"

A/N- So how'd you like it-did you love it, did you hate it, is there something I should change, PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise to try to update more often also, I know I was really slow this time but it was my first fanfic so give me a break. I'll try to do it once a week. So everyone keep reading, believe me the stories to come are totally worth it! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!


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